I Can See (Red Flags Waving)
by Fragments of Time
Summary: But what about her own heart? She couldn't just sit around hoping that Holly J would become magically no longer straight. Fimogen, Kiona, endgame Folly J.
1. Chapter 1

It was late. Fiona looked to see if Holly J was on Skype. Of course not. Why would she be awake at this hour? Fiona couldn't sleep. She knew part of it was her anxiety, because she couldn't relax enough to.

It was the first night she had slept alone since her house had been broken into.

She checked the locks on the windows one more time, knowing full well they were locked and that a lock wouldn't actually stop a particularly determined thief. Feeling small, she decided to rewatch _The Notebook_ once more and hope to fall asleep. Ever since that night, it always reminded her of Holly J.

What if someone broke in and she didn't hear it because of the movie? But maybe they would hear it, realize someone was there, and leave. That thought made her feel a bit better, so she tried to convince herself that would be the case.

Her thoughts drifted back to that sleepover from last year.

"_Sav is great, but when I found out I was sick, it was so hard not to call Declan."_

Even though she had called Imogen, on that night, her first thought had been to call Holly J. But Holly J was in another country at Yale, so there was no way for her to come be with her. Still, even now when she was still feeling scared, she wanted to talk to Holly J. She missed having her here.

She hugged the throw pillow, still remembering that sleepover. She refused to go back to that time, so afraid of being abandoned, but right now she wanted to hear Holly J's voice more than anything else. Being occasionally lonely didn't mean being the way she was back then, she told herself.

She wondered if it would wake her up if she called. Probably. She told herself she wouldn't do that. She wouldn't bother Holly J in the middle of the night, because no matter how lonely she felt, she was stronger than that now. She could go to sleep now and call Holly J in the morning.

Fiona slept fitfully that night. Feeling scared, she'd slept with lights and the TV on. So that morning, she still felt tired. Still, having made it through the night with no break-ins, which she supposed really was only natural, she did feel a little bit safer. She would be okay, she told herself. She could do this, staying at home even after the robbery.

She changed and got ready for school, part of her almost wishing she could simply stay home. She felt bad, seeing Imogen. She loved her, she really did… but she couldn't get the thought out of her mind that she would never love anyone the way she loved Holly J. Still loved her. She had tried so many times to forget about her, but there was always some part of her still hopelessly in love.

She couldn't call Holly J. She hadn't talked to her in a few weeks, because she knew that if she did, it would only remind her of the distance between them. Make her miss her more.

It was Saturday morning when Fiona's phone went off. She assumed it was Imogen as usual and didn't bother looking at the caller ID.

"Hello?"

"Fiona?"

She recognized that voice instantly. "Holly J?"

"Yeah. Sorry it's kind of early. It's just that I haven't heard from you in a while."

Fiona sat down on the edge of her bed. "Sorry. Things have been… busy."

Even over the phone, Holly J knew her too well. "What's wrong?" She knew Fiona wasn't just busy.

"It's… complicated," she answered, avoiding the subject a bit.

"I've got time."

Holly J sounded honestly concerned, and part of her still did really want to talk to her about it. "My house was broken into." She shuddered at the memory. "He was still there when I got there. I didn't even see him. He threatened me with a gun to look away, and then he left."

"Oh, my god. Are you okay?"

"He didn't hurt me."

"I'm glad, but that doesn't answer my question."

Fiona sighed. "I'm fine. Just shaken up, is all."

Holly J nodded, although of course she knew Fiona couldn't see her over the phone. "Guns are really scary. Did they catch the intruder?"

"Not yet, and they don't really have any leads either. Most likely he won't come back – he already stole my laptop, and whatever else he could carry – at least, that's what the police said, but… it's still not a comforting thought."

"Just because it happened once doesn't mean it'll happen again. You'll be okay, Fi."

"Thanks," she said, smiling as she tried to believe those words.

Neither said anything until Holly J asked, "Did I ever tell you about the time Spinner and I were held hostage at The Dot by a gunman?"

"What?" she answered in surprise. "No!"

"Yeah. Spinner was shot. I was terrified he would shoot me, too. So I know how scary that feels."

"What did you do?"

"I managed to let someone know more or less what was going on. He called the police, and I was able to convince the gunman to go outside. I honestly don't even know how I pulled it off. But he was put in jail, and… well, after that we became really careful about locking the door as soon as we close. It's not much, but it's the most we were able to do."

"Did you still feel scared? To be at The Dot, I mean."

"A little," she admitted. "It was unsettling, to think that things like that can really happen. It seems like the sort of thing that only happens on TV and stuff. Not like something that could happen to me, but it did."

"Did you ever feel… safe there again?" She hesitated to ask, feeling perhaps overly dramatic, but for the time being she didn't feel entirely sure she could.

"Yeah. It took a while, but I eventually realized that it was a once in a lifetime sort of thing, if that, so it probably would never happen again."

"Yeah, I guess."

"You'll be okay. Promise."

"Yeah. Thanks, Holly J." There was so much to say, but she couldn't say any of it. There was no way she could tell Holly J that she still loved her. It was awkward enough when she found out last year. Now, hearing she was still not over her… it could only be even more awkward than that had been. She didn't want to ruin their friendship as she almost had before.

"No problem. I'm always here; you know that."

"Yeah. So how are things at Yale?"

She listened to Holly J talk and vowed to keep those feelings to herself and continue to push them away until they disappeared. _Because that's worked so well so far…_ Still, she couldn't tell Holly J, and she wouldn't do that to Imogen.

_It's not fair to be with her and in love with someone else either, though…_ She had thought a relationship would help her get over Holly J. Since it didn't, she could never let Imogen find out the truth.


	2. Chapter 2

Holly J got a new boyfriend. It was bound to happen eventually, Fiona knew. There was no way that someone as amazing as Holly J could stay single forever, after all, no matter how busy she was with her studies. She and Declan were a thing of the past, so it was someone Fiona didn't even know. That was natural, of course, but because she didn't know him, whenever she tried to picture him… She could only picture herself with Holly J, but it wasn't as though she could forget the impossibility of that image.

It upset her more than she realized. For the first time in quite a while, she found herself relying on her coping techniques again.

"I hear… the street in the background, a little bit. I see… the blanket on my bed. The closed door of my closet…" Frustrated, she stopped and said instead, "This is dumb."

It was frustrating. She refused to throw away all her progress and drink again. She refused to have to go back to rehab. She wouldn't go back there. Still, she felt like it was a constant reminder that Holly J would never love her back, and it made her feel very alone. She didn't mind being alone, and she knew Holly J still cared about her, but… the fact of the matter was that Holly J would never return her feelings. The more she thought about it, the more she didn't think she could ever love anyone else the way she loved Holly J. Even with Imogen, who was the sweetest, most fun, amazing girl she could ever imagine besides Holly J, she simply couldn't get over her.

This wasn't fair to Imogen, and she didn't think she would be able to pretend anymore. How could she look Imogen in the eye and tell her she loved her when this whole time she had never been able to really move on from Holly J? It wasn't fair to her and she felt awful about how bad Imogen would feel if she ever found out. She had to end things, but she could never tell her why.

Still feeling bad, she decided to call Eli. If nothing else, it would distract her from the desire to drink, and it would probably be good to ensure she had some time to talk to Imogen alone tomorrow.

"Fiona?" He was surprised, because she rarely called, considering that they saw each other all the time at school.

"I…" she started, then changed her mind. "Is it okay if Imogen and I don't sit with you guys at lunch tomorrow? I know we like to meet up sometimes, but… I really need to talk to her about something, and… I'd rather do it privately."

"Yeah, of course. Is… something wrong?" It was a somewhat pointless question, because he already knew there must be.

She hesitated. She really wanted to keep the truth a secret so there would be no way it could get back to Imogen, but Eli might understand. Anyway, she pretty well trusted him not to say anything. He wouldn't want to hurt Imogen's feelings any more than she did. "I… need to break up with her."

"Did something happen?"

She shook her head, then realized he couldn't see. "No. It's just…" She sighed. "I thought that being with Imogen, I would forget about Holly J. But I can't forget about her, and I don't think I can ever love anyone else the way I love her. Even Imogen."

Part of him felt a bit speechless at that confession, but he could understand, because whenever he was broken up with Clare, he felt the same way. Nobody could ever replace her, because she was… well, she was Clare. He could never feel the same way about anyone else as he did about her. But wasn't Holly J straight? Normally he'd simply tell her to follow her heart and be with the one she truly loved, but if it was impossible for Holly J to love her back… well, that changed things entirely. Still… "You're doing the right thing," he told her.

"I just feel bad it took me so long to realize it. Immy is going to be heartbroken… Will you comfort her for me? If I try, it'll only make it harder for her…" It was obvious how much she still cared about her. But it was because she cared so much that she needed to end things.

"Yeah, of course."

"Thanks."

"No prob. And, Fi? Follow your heart. If you're meant to be, it'll work out somehow. Uh, I have to go now, but I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Yeah."

He hung up, leaving her with those cryptic words. _If we're truly meant to be…_ That was what it meant, right? Not being able to get over her for so long. Not being able to feel the same way about anyone else as she did about her. But it was impossible for them to be truly meant to be, because it was impossible for anything to happen between them. Holly J was straight. _Straight._ She didn't like girls, so there was no way she could like Fiona. Maybe they weren't meant to be, and she should continue trying to get over her. But she hadn't been able to so far, so… she didn't feel she should keep counting on that, because the more she waited, the more it would probably be painful for Imogen, and the harder it would be to hide it.

The next day, she went to meet Imogen outside her fourth period class right before lunch, as she usually did.

"Fionz!" Imogen waved happily, then went to hug her.

Fiona hugged her back, feeling guilty as she did so.

If Imogen noticed anything, she didn't say anything about it. She took Fiona's hand and started in the direction of the cafeteria.

"I was thinking maybe we could eat lunch outside," Fiona suggested. While lots of students went outside, she and Imogen had found a little corner where they seemed almost alone. Usually they went there for when they wanted a more romantic lunch than the cafeteria, and she felt bad for also using it for this reason. Still, there weren't tons of other secluded places where they could eat lunch, and she didn't want Imogen to start asking questions while there were still so many people around them.

"Okay!" Imogen agreed happily. She was nearly skipping on the way there, thinking maybe Fiona had some good news or a surprise of some sort that she wanted to celebrate.

Even though she didn't want to talk about it here with so many people around, the more oblivious to the mood of this conversation Imogen was, the worse Fiona felt. Imogen felt secure in their relationship, knowing that nothing had changed – because truth be told, nothing _had_ changed, but that was pretty much the problem, although Imogen would never know that. She felt awful for having to break her heart, because she knew Imogen loved her at least as much as she loved Imogen, and maybe even more.

The two of them bought their lunch and sat in their spot outside. Imogen started eating happily, but Fiona didn't feel particularly hungry. She pushed her food around.

Finally starting to notice, Imogen asked, "Aren't you hungry?" with a hint of concern in her voice.

"Not really," she admitted.

"You're so quiet. Is everything okay?"

She wanted to let Imogen finish eating first, but being honest with herself, she had really just wanted to put it off. She took a deep breath. Last night she hadn't been able to sleep, trying to figure out what to say, but now that it really mattered, she couldn't remember any of the things she had planned. She put down her spork and played with the hem of her shirt.

"Fiona? What's wrong?" Imogen asked, able to see now that something was definitely wrong.

Not knowing how to say it, she decided she needed to be straightforward. "Imogen, I think we should break up."

"…What?" She dropped her fork.

"I'm sorry."

"I…I don't understand. Did I do something?" Her eyes filled with tears, which soon began to fall.

Fiona shook her head. Her vision blurred, but she refused to make this harder for Imogen by crying too.

"Then why?"

Fiona bit her lip. She should have known Imogen would ask that. "I just… we're so different, and…"

"Don't lie to me!" Her voice was sharp. "If that were true, you wouldn't just be telling me that now all of a sudden!"

She didn't know how to answer, and not wanting to pause too long, she finally said, "Imogen, you are one of my best friends. I really do care about you so much… but that's why. I… I don't feel like I'm in love with you anymore."

She was silent for a short time before saying, "If you really cared about me… you would stay together with me."

"No, you deserve to be with someone who really loves you just as much as you love them."


	3. Chapter 3

"Holly J?" Fiona said in a small voice. It was Valentine's Day, 11pm. "I'm sorry for calling so late…" She just barely held back a sob. "It's just, I didn't know who to call, and… I'm afraid I would relapse right now, otherwise."

"It's okay. You did the right thing, calling me. What's wrong?" She knew something must be bothering Fiona pretty badly to lead her to almost drinking after this long.

"I just… seeing everyone in their happy relationships, and… it's been a month but Imogen still wants to get back together…" She didn't say it, but she mentally added, _And the only one I want to be with is you, but you'll never see me that way._ It was a good thing she was completely sober, as she felt she probably would have said it otherwise.

"It's tough, with Imogen," Holly J sympathized. She knew Fiona still cared about the girl, but even though she didn't know the real reason, she knew it was best for Fiona to not be with someone she didn't love. "But she'll find someone more right for her someday. And so will you."

_I have, it's just that she'll never feel the same way._ Why did sexuality have to be such an issue? She hated it. "What if I can't?" What if she was just destined to love Holly J forever, and Holly J would continue to never love her back because she was really straight?

"You can. Everybody has someone meant for them. Sometimes that person is just hard to find… and sometimes the person you think is right turns out to be just another person."

"Then how do you know?"

She thought it over. "I don't know. Maybe you don't, and at some point you just thinki t enough to take a leap of faith." She had thought Declan was the one for her. That's why she had worked so hard to ensure they could go to the same university, or at least part of it. But after everything that had happened between the two of them, she knew he wasn't "The One." Neither was Sav, and most likely neither was her current boyfriend. She didn't know what was going on lately, if it was stress from Yale life, or maybe the guys here were just too… something. All she knew was that she just didn't feel particularly attracted to any of the guys she had seen or met lately. In fact, the last person she had felt honestly attracted to was Declan, but she could say for certain that she didn't have feelings for him anymore. She had run into him in the library one day and that old desire to kiss him or be held in his arms was completely gone. It wasn't like she hated him. She had just moved on.

"What if you give up on the person you're meant to be with?"

"If you're meant to be, it'll just… work out somehow."

Almost exactly what Eli had said. "Yeah, maybe." She sighed. "Anyway, I know you have class in the morning and so do I, so I'll let you go now."

"Are you sure? I don't mind…"

"Yeah, I'll be fine now. And I don't have any alcohol in the house, by the way, so I know I can keep myself from buying it now."

"That's good. Okay, but let's talk tomorrow."

"Okay. Good night, Holly J."

"Good night."

Fiona ended the call and got ready for bed, but she was still thinking about Holly J. "Sometimes the person you think is right turns out to be just another person…" she repeated. Who was that, though? She didn't think she could love Imogen in the way she should if she hadn't been able to even while they were in a relationship. But what if she was wrong about Holly J? If Holly J really was straight, which obviously she was, they couldn't be together, so it couldn't be "meant to be." Then should she just keep dating? She didn't want to hurt anyone else like she had already hurt Imogen. The fewer the heartbreaks the better, after all. But what about her own heart? She couldn't just sit around hoping that Holly J would become magically no longer straight.


	4. Chapter 4

February 15 at Degrassi. Since the previous day had been a Sunday, they were celebrating Valentine's Day that day. After all, what would a Degrassi Valentine's Day be like without secret admirer flowers? They were pretty much a necessity in most peoples' opinion.

To Fiona's surprise, she received two roses. Were they both from Imogen? One was. Feeling a little uncomfortable, she tore the card into little pieces and eventually threw it away, not wanting people to see that Imogen had been rejected. The other was actually anonymous. "From a secret admirer," it said with a small heart drawn next to it. The handwriting was neat and pretty. Probably a girl's, but not one she recognized. Then again, there were only a few people whose handwriting she knew that well. It wasn't from Eli or Imogen, and obviously it wasn't from Holly J.

She spent the rest of the day trying to pay particular attention to her classmates and her handwriting. She wasn't even sure that she should be trying to figure it out when she was still undecided if she ought to date anyone besides Holly J, but at the same time she couldn't help but to be curious. And maybe Holly J was just another person after all, and it would just take meeting the right person to get her to realize that or something. Something like that had to be the case, so she may as well try dating whoever this admirer was, if she could figure out who they were in the first place.

_Depending. No way if it's like, Marisol or something._ She nearly laughed at the thought. Marisol, and Katie too for that matter, did not like her. In fact, given her help in Drew and Bianca's almost-wedding, she suspected she was even less popular with them now than she had been before. They were both attractive and all, but she had quickly dropped below even frenemy status with them early in the year with the whole senior prank business. She used to think they were pretty cool, but she couldn't be friends with people who were so willing to let Imogen and even her, who they'd claimed was a friend, take the blame. Not to mention that Marisol was the one to make Imogen get caught in the first place. After that, she didn't even want to be friends with either one of them.

When, a day later, she still had no clue who this secret admirer could be, she decided to let them come to her. After all, they hadn't left any hints that she could use to figure out who it was, unless she looked through the notebooks of everybody she had ever encountered at the school. That sounded creepy, not to mention extremely time-consuming. And even if she found someone with matching handwriting, what could she say? "Did you give me a secret admirer rose?" That would probably be awkward, and even mo so if she were wrong. After all, it's not hard to write extra neat or extra pretty on a Valentine and then scribble your notes.

So, the ball was in the secret admirer's court now, so to speak. She did hope they would say something, but she wasn't particularly worried. She wanted to move on from Holly J if that was what she was supposed to do, though. She hoped that being with someone else would help change that situation, so she wanted to try dating someone, but she just didn't have the enthusiasm about it to try to chase this person down with no information whatsoever. Asking around would just be uncomfortable. If Holly J and Anya were still on that committee she wouldn't have any problems finding out, because most likely she could get them to tell her. But this year it was… She tried to remember. Jenna, Katie, and a couple of kids she didn't recognize. She wasn't close enough to any of them to think that they would bother remembering, nor willing to tell her. After all, part of their role was to help make sure it was actually anonymous.

Even though Jenna had delivered the flowers to her, she had delivered a lot of flowers even just in that class alone, so it was highly likely she would have given any thought to who gave to whom unless she knew them well, and the only reason she even knew Jenna was because she had spoken to her briefly at Clare's birthday party. Not exactly someone she was likely to win favors from anyway, and Katie even less so. In fact, she probably had a better chance with the people she had never met than at getting Katie to tell her, both because of the incident and simply because it didn't seem like Katie's personality. Fiona did like that about her – but she couldn't forgive Katie for letting anyone but herself take the fall like that. It just wasn't fair. And it was bad enough with Imogen, who she already knew they didn't like, but they had claimed to be her friends and still let her take the blame alone. After that, she just didn't feel she could trust them.

All she could do for now was to wait and hope her secret admirer would say something.


	5. Chapter 5

"Fiona!"

When Katie Matlin approached her right as she was about to go to lunch, Fiona suspected nothing good was about to happen. Considering their last few conversations, she was surprised that Katie even wanted to talk to her, so she doubted it could be anything good.

"What do you want?" she asked a little defensively.

Katie was hurt by that reaction, but naturally there was no way she would let anyone see that. And certainly she didn't want Fiona to see that. "I just wanted to talk to you," she said, but she couldn't quite keep the defensiveness out of her voice.

"Right," she said, sounding unconvinced. "What about?"

"Just in general?" she said, not sure how to answer that. She honestly hadn't had anything in particular in mind to talk about. She had hoped that Fiona would have forgiven her and wouldn't question the idea of talking to her too much, but she supposed she should have known, considering their last few interactions.

She seemed even more disbelieving. "For what reason?" she asked, continuing to try to figure out what Katie was trying to do. There weren't any big events coming up that she could have had a disaster planning. Her mind was really coming to a blank on what she could be after.

"I just wanted to talk to you, okay?" she said sincerely, cringing at the pleading tone that came out.

"Alright, fine. Let's talk."

Katie looked for a place to sit down and saw a bench near them. She looked at Fiona and moved towards it, hoping she'd be willing to follow. It was obvious that Fiona was wary to say the least. Nonetheless, when she sat down, Fiona was next to her, though keeping a considerable amount of personal space. In Katie's mind, this was going to be a light-hearted conversation where she could make Fiona laugh and they would be friendly. She supposed that was too idealistic after all. With how tense it was, she felt almost like she had no choice but to be straightforward, but she knew there was no way Fiona would react well to that when she was so distrustful of her. Instead she started with, "Look, I know we got off on the wrong foot."

"You turned your back on Imogen and me."

"I know. I know, and I'm sorry…" She didn't even know how to begin to explain what she had done, or at least in a way that would lead Fiona to forgive her. Besides, how personal did she really want to be? To admit that she'd been in therapy to finish recovering from her eating disorder, and that she didn't feel like she could stand up to Marisol after their last disagreement, and that she was afraid to lose her presidency because it was the one thing that she had been clinging to in order to prove that this year would be different? She certainly couldn't say the first part. Fiona was so perfect. She didn't want her to think she was crazy. After those rumors last year, it seemed like everybody who believed it was looking at her differently, and that was if they didn't outright say anything. "It's just…" She stopped again, still not having any idea how to explain the situation without admitting things she really didn't want to tell her, at least certainly not right now. She had still been so… not knowing what to do. It wasn't even long after that when her drug addiction had started, for reasons not entirely unlike her reason for being desperate to keep her presidency. She sighed. "Fiona, I was in a bad place at the time." She needed to be as honest as possible, or she would never win Fiona's trust. "Being school president was really important to me. At the time, I… I was putting a lot of pressure on myself, and I was desperate not to lose the job. And things were so tense with Marisol. During the last disagreement we'd had, she spread a vicious rumor about me around the school. I was worried about what she would do if I went against what she was saying. …I know it's still no excuse. I shouldn't have let you guys take the fall." She shook her head. "All I can say is that I've changed since then."

She looked at her carefully. Katie seemed so sincere, and she could see in her eyes the vulnerability that she would never willingly show. And, well, it wasn't as though Fiona hadn't done some stupid things in her past too. If Holly J could forgive her for how she'd ignored her and skipped graduation, and if Charlie could forgive her for setting her cat free… she supposed she could give Katie a second chance. "Okay," she said. "But why are you telling me this now, when it's almost at the end of the year?" If Katie had just wanted to apologize, it didn't make sense to wait so long.

"I didn't… really want to admit what had happened," she admitted. "But I didn't think you'd accept my apology any other way."

"You're probably right. But everyone's done things they regret, and I'm no exception either." She figured she could at least admit that much, though she changed the subject rather quickly. "So this is completely out of the blue?"

"I… wanted you to forgive me." She bit her lip, not wanting to admit to Fiona yet just how much her forgiveness would mean to her.

"Well, I forgive you."


	6. Chapter 6

Much to Fiona's surprise, she and Katie had become good friends. It wasn't exactly like they had tons in common, but somehow they got along really well.

"Hey, do you wanna go to The Dot after school?" Katie asked her suddenly. They'd been hanging out before classes started for the morning.

"Sure," Fiona agreed casually.

Unlike Fiona, Katie was a little nervous, and when Fiona agreed, a smile spread over her face. "Okay. I, uh… I'll met you there afterschool?"

She smiled back, not sure why Katie seemed a bit apprehensive. "Okay, sounds like a plan. Whoever gets there first can save us a table."

"Yeah." She heard the bell ring. "Okay, see you at lunch."

"Yep, I'll see you then." As she started to walk away, she turned back to look at Katie over her shoulder. When she did, she noticed Katie doing the same, and they made a brief eye contact. Katie quickly dropped her eyes, then turned her head and continued to walk away.

That little look stayed in Fiona's mind for the rest of the day, and she couldn't even quite put her finger on why. What did it mean? Why had Katie looked back? Why had she herself looked back? During her last class, it suddenly hit her: she knew what this felt like, and suddenly in that context Katie's nervousness over asking a friend to get coffee made a lot more sense. But wasn't she straight?

When she sat down, Katie was already there at a table, though she hadn't ordered anything yet. She had been waiting for Fiona first.

"Hi," Fiona said, sitting down and feeling rather awkward about the uncertainty of this.

"Hi," Katie replied, still sounding a little nervous.

She couldn't stand the not knowing, so she decided the best thing was to be upfront about it. "Um, Katie, can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"Is, uh… no, never mind. It's silly." How could she ask that? No matter what she was feeling, there was no way it could be mutual, even if she did let herself be interested. Wasn't Katie straight too? What was it with her and falling for straight girls.

"No, it's fine. What is it?"

She changed the question, trying to find an alternate explanation for why Katie was nervous. "Is something wrong?"

That caught Katie pretty much entirely off guard. "Huh, uh… no, nothing's wrong, exactly…" What was she even supposed to say to answer that question?

Right, something was wrong. That's the only reason she was nervous, because it must be something difficult to talk about. She could understand that. Saying 'exactly,' in Fiona's experience, definitely indicated that something really was wrong. "What is it?"

She hadn't meant it like that. Nothing was really wrong, except her not knowing if Fiona would see her in that way. At least she knew Fiona wasn't straight, which at least was more than she could say for the other way around. Shit! There was no way Fiona would get feelings for her thinking that… Suddenly, she found herself blurting out, "I'm not straight."

Fiona was taken aback. Was Katie telling her this and nervous about coming out, and her real reason for this whole thing was because Fiona was the only lesbian she knew? That didn't seem implausible. "Oh. Okay. Well, uh… am I the first person you've told?"

"No, my parents know, and Maya and Marisol. I didn't really think everybody else needed to know."

Fiona nodded, understanding that, even if somehow that ended up being pretty much the only thing many people knew about her. Well, it probably didn't help that it was pretty much the fastest way for her to get guys to stop hitting on her… at least usually. At any rate, if Katie was already out to pretty much everybody she knew, this probably wasn't a "struggling to figure out my sexuality" thing, and it obviously wasn't a "struggling to come out" thing. "So… any reason in particular that you're telling me this now?"

Katie reached out to touch Fiona's hands, which were resting on the table. "I… I like you, Fiona."

Fiona smiled and took Katie's hands. "I like you too." Did she like her as much as Holly J? No. But she told herself it was too soon to be able to tell. After all, it wasn't like she had fallen madly in love with Holly J the moment she met her or anything. They'd known each other at least a little bit since pretty much when the Coynes had come to Degrassi, and known each other quite well for pretty much the whole school year.

Katie smiled too. "So… can this be a date?"

"Of course. I'll go order us some coffee. What do you want?"


	7. Chapter 7

Fiona waved to Katie, seeing her enter the caf. As soon as she saw her, a big smile appeared on her face, and Fiona smiled back. She was saving the table for them, as Clare and Eli usually took a while longer, but she and Katie had an unofficial, joking competition about who could get there first, as Katie was faster but Fiona's class was nearer.

Katie sat next to her. "Darn, two days in a row!" she said jokingly, then gave Fiona a quick kiss.

Fiona smiled and teased, "Tomorrow it'll be three."

"We'll see about that!"

The two of them laughed and started eating. Before long, Clare and Eli showed up, hand in hand as usual. Since Adam was with Becky and her group of friends and Imogen had stopped eating lunch with them when she and Fiona broke up, it was just the four of them. Fiona felt a little bad, not knowing who Imogen was eating lunch with now, but ever since getting word that she was with Katie, Imogen wouldn't even talk to her, and she didn't talk to Eli either when he refused to tell her anything more about why Fiona had broken up with her. She hoped there was someone else who Imogen could sit with. Before meeting her, Imogen was a bit of an outcast, and she felt bad if Imogen was returning to that status.

Clare and Eli sat down, ending their conversation.

"So I finished editing the final version of the video," Eli told them.

"That's great," Katie said. "We should definitely try and play it during graduation. Come to think of it, a lot of that stuff is left up to the class valedictorian, so I guess we'll have to see if they'd be wiling."

"Um," Fiona said, feeling a little embarrassed as though the spotlight had suddenly shifted to her. "Actually, I've been meaning to tell you guys, I'm class valedictorian this year."

"Wow!" Clare said, impressed. "Congrats."

Fiona looked hesitantly at Katie, knowing that was something she had wanted.

Katie smiled. She wasn't surprised, considering that she spent part of the year in rehab. And she really was happy for Fiona. She saw the way Fiona was looking at her, and she supposed it was something she would normally be disappointed about. "I'm happy for you," she said honestly, taking Fiona's hands. "We should celebrate. Wanna go out for dinner on Friday?"

Fiona searched her eyes for a moment, trying to see if she was just hiding her true feelings on the matter. That didn't seem to be the case, so she smiled back. "I would love to. And of course I'll talk to Simpson and see about getting that video played at graduation."

Meanwhile at Yale, Holly J was trying to work on her Calculus 4 homework, but she got lost in thought instead. A few hours ago she had ended things with Thomas, her now ex-boyfriend. She couldn't even say why, other than that she just wasn't feeling it. "The 'l' word," just like with Sav. She cringed as she remembered that conversation, or more specifically how much she ended up hurting Fiona's feelings with her awkward reaction.

What was up with her lately? Granted, she knew she had rather high standards. After all, Declan, the last guy she was serious about, was smart, hot, funny, never gave up on pursuing her, didn't mind how high-maintenance she was, and though this wasn't a huge factor in her mind, he was rich too. In other words, practically the perfect guy, but she honestly had no desire to get back together with him. She tried to think of other people who had those qualities. The only other person she could think of like that... better than that even...

_Fiona,_ she caught herself thinking, then felt startled. What the hell was that? Was she half-asleep or something? ...Maybe that was it. She had been staying up too late studying for midterms. Because that thought, it simply didn't make any sense whatsoever. There was no way she could be interested in Fiona! _Wait, interested, who said anything about that?_ she asked herself, catching the previous thought. She was straight. Straight! She knew that - she had liked guys, Declan at least if nobody else, way too much for her to think she could be a lesbian.

Clearly she just needed to get some sleep. Studying could come tomorrow, because she was obviously not having much luck concentrating right now. After she had slept, things would go back to normal, and she would laugh and wonder what on earth she'd been thinking the night before.


	8. Chapter 8

It was spring break at Yale. Naturally, Holly J was spending it with her best friend Fiona. Well, she would spend some time with her family, of course, but seeing Fiona was her main priority.

"It feels like I haven't seen you in forever!" Fiona said, hugging her at the airport.

"I know," Holly J agreed, hugging her back.

"We have so much catching up to do. I know we talk on the phone and all, but still! Sleepover sometime soon?"

"Of course! We can watch some cheesy chick flick and talk just like old times."

"I'm counting on it."

"Me too." She spotted her mom waving and waved back. "Well, I should go unpack for the summer. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Of course. You're welcome any time, Holly J; you know that."

"Yeah. Thanks." She smiled at Fiona, then went to her mother. She hoped her discomfort wasn't obvious. She just couldn't help but to feel awkward around Fiona now… This must have been how Fiona felt last year. Oh, the irony – or maybe karma was more the word she was looking for. Either way, she couldn't tell Fiona what she was feeling. It seemed like Fiona was finally happy, being with Katie. Granted, she had seemed happy with Imogen too… what had even happened between them anyway? She'd asked, but Fiona hadn't wanted to talk about it. Well, whatever – the important part was that Fiona seemed to be really happy with Katie. More than anything else, she wanted Fiona to be happy, but… _I just can't help but to wish it was with me,_ she thought, a little guiltily.

She and her mom arrived home and started unpacking her stuff. The whole time, Holly J kept thinking. Should she tell her mom…? No, there probably was no point. After all, she couldn't be with Fiona, and – well, who even knew if she was gay? Maybe she just had one strange exception and would be straight again as soon as she got over her.

"So, you seem to be awfully thoughtful," her mom teased, "I assume there's a new boy?"

_Ha. Haha. _Her thoughts voiced the uncomfortable laugh that she just barely managed to withhold. "Um, nope. No boys."

Her mother clearly didn't believe her. Not that she could blame her; she answered in such a strange tone that she doubted anyone would believe her at all, but whatever. Better to let her mom think she was hiding some guy than to tell her she had feelings for _Fiona_. How could she explain it to her when she didn't even understand it herself?

The next day, Fiona called Katie. Katie knew that Holly J was in town and that she and Fiona had been best friends, although truth be told she knew nothing about how Fiona had felt about her. Not that it mattered. Fiona really felt like she could move on this time. It was surprising even to herself, but she really had feelings for Katie. It wasn't as strong as she had felt for Holly J, but she told herself that would come with time. It was admittedly stronger than she had felt for Imogen, and she felt like she might finally be moving on from Holly J.

"Hi Fi," Katie answered happily.

"Heya," she said, Katie's voice putting a smile on her face. "What's up?"

"Nothing much. I just finished my math homework – super exciting, right? How about you?"

"You're killing me with all the excitement!" Fiona teased. "Well, I think Holly J is coming over later for a sleepover, but I just woke up a couple of hours ago. I don't even know how you can think about homework so early…"

"It's noon!" Katie said with a laugh. "It's not early because I woke up six hours ago."

"I don't know how you can get up before the sun does…" It made her feel sleepy just thinking about it.

"The sin _is_ up then… well, usually."

"_Usually_."

The doorbell rang just then.

"Oh – that was the doorbell. That's probably Holly J. I'll talk to you tomorrow?"

"Of course. Love you, Fiona."

"I love you too." She ended the call, then went to answer the door. "Holly J!" she exclaimed, hugging her friend. Sure, she'd just seen her yesterday, but that was for all of ten minutes, and they hadn't otherwise seen each other since winter break.

"Hi, Fiona." She smiled and hugged her back, even if she did feel slightly awkward.

"Oh – right, here, I should probably let you put your stuff down, huh?"

"That would probably be helpful."

Fiona stuck her tongue out playfully and moved out of the way. Once Holly J was through the door, she closed it and went to sit on the couch. Holly J sat next to her.

"So, what do you want to do?" Fiona asked. "Of course, the important part is catching up, but we should at least watch a movie later."

"Of course. Well, I want to hear all the latest Degrassi gossip. Then we can watch the movie, and then we can catch up and whatever else we want to do?"

"Okay, sounds like a plan." She filled her in on all the things that had happened so far in the year. "Oh, and Eli and Clare are back together again," she added.

"They're cute together, but let's be honest, they break up more than Anya and Sav…" Holly J commented.

"Well, I wouldn't go _that_ far. Didn't Anya and Sav break up like, twenty times?"

"At least, probably."

"I think they've only broken up like… oh, maybe five times? Still, I think they seem to be working pretty well this time. I'm glad to see Eli having a good relationship, honestly; I remember the disaster that was his trying to date Imogen way too well. Not that I didn't have a hand in that…" She cringed a little.

Seeing Fiona's awkwardness at that topic, Holly J decided to change the subject. "Speaking of dates, how are things with Katie?" Of course, now that was really awkward for her, but she decided it probably was good to remind herself that Fiona already had a girlfriend.

"They're really good. I really like her, Holly J. More than I've liked anyone in a long time." Almost as much as you, she stopped herself from saying. Even though she was with Katie, she felt like there was no way that saying something like that wouldn't just make things awkward.

"I'm glad. It's good to see you happy again." She still remembered her senior year, back when Fiona was feeling so bad she turned to alcohol to cope.

"It's good to _be_ happy again," she agreed. "How's your love life?"

"Other than non-existent, it's great." Before Fiona could say anything else though, she quickly changed the subject again. "So, what movie do you wanna watch?"

"I don't know. Let's see, I'll get my DVDs. Did you bring any movies?" She got up and went to her DVD case.

"I didn't think of it, sorry."

"No, that's fine." She returned with it in hand. "Alright, what do you want to watch?"

Holly J picked a cheesy romance movie, and they watched it. Somehow, without their noticing, the two moved closer and closer, until they were almost touching. Just like something out of a movie like that. The movie ended with the main couple kissing, then went to credits, at which point the two of them looked at each other.

Caught up in the mood of the movie and seeing Fiona's face so unexpectedly close, Holly J reacted almost without even thinking. She kissed her.


	9. Chapter 9

"Holly J, what the hell was that!?" Fiona asked, pulling away quickly.

"I… I'm sorry, it just… I wasn't thinking…"

She felt tears gathering in her eyes. "I can see that! Do you know how long I spent getting over you? Don't screw with my feelings!"

"Fiona, I'm sorry… I wasn't trying—" She reached out, trying to hug her, but Fiona only pulled further away.

"Stop! I can't… I can't do this again! I'm with Katie. I'm happy! You can't just come back into my life to screw with my feelings and leave!"

Holly J felt like she was about to cry too. "Fiona, I… I'm so sorry." She bit her tongue. She couldn't tell her how she felt. Telling her how she felt would just make it harder for Fiona, wouldn't it? She couldn't do that to her.

"You should be!" She was now sitting almost opposite Holly J on the couch, putting distance between them. "I was just starting to get over you. I can't keep loving someone who is never going to love me back - you're _straight_!"

"...No, I'm not. Or at least not completely." She didn't really know how else to explain it.

"What are you saying?" She asked this very cautiously, as if she wasn't completely certain she even wanted to know the answer.

Holly J tried to look into Fiona's eyes, but Fiona looked away. She wasn't sure if Fiona really wanted to know or not, given the answer. "Fiona, I... never thought before that I could like anyone who wasn't a guy, but... Somehow, I'm in love with you. I don't know, maybe I'm bi or something. That doesn't really matter."

Fiona buried her head in her hands. "I need some time to think."

"Okay." She didn't want to leave Fiona alone, but right now she felt she owed it to her to respect her wishes, especially now. It was her fault that Fiona was upset right now, and nothing could make her feel more guilty. "Do you want me to leave?"

"No." She wasn't sure she wanted her to stay, either, though. "Just...give me a minute, okay?"

"Yeah, of course. I'll go move my bags into the other room." With Fiona living alone, there was a spare bedroom now. She assumed she would be sleeping there, especially now. She sat down on the bed, still feeling guilty. How could she do that to Fiona, just when she was happy with Katie? She felt horrible. She knew she had just put Fiona in a really difficult situation again.

There was no way out of this without at least one person getting hurt, Fiona realized. If she really rejected Holly J, that would hurt her. Unrequited feelings are awful - she certainly had enough experience to know. But breaking up with Katie would hurt her, of course, and she didn't want to do that. Either way she knew she needed to make up her mind. She couldn't not hurt either of them, as much as she wished so much that were possible, so at the very least she didn't want to drag it out and hurt both of them. And no matter what she did, she knew she herself would be hurting to see whoever she rejected feeling bad.

She loved them both. Honestly, she loved Holly J more, but was that really worth it? She had spent so long getting over her; should she just ignore that now? She used to think she could never love anyone as much as she loved Holly J, but what if she was wrong? After all, with Katie, she felt like she really was finally starting to move on. And while her feelings for Katie paled in comparison to her feelings for Holly J, maybe that would change once she was completely over her. Anyway, Holly J was at Yale, hundreds of miles away. She would only be able to see her on school holidays and... Well, isn't that how things already were? And it hadn't affected their friendship, nor her feelings, at all. She decided to push that worry out of her mind - that, she knew they could deal with. Her more important concern right now was, well, what about Katie? That was the closest she had felt to being completely in love since Holly J. What if Katie was the one she was meant to be with, and this was like... a test or something? Besides, she'd already broken up with one girl because of Holly J. She couldn't do that to another.

Fiona found Holly J in the guest bedroom, looking lost in thought. She lightly knocked on the open door to alert Holly J to her presence.

"Hey," Holly J greeted, a little hesitant.

"Hey." She sat down next to her. "Holly J, you're my best friend…"

Uh-oh. That preface was unlikely to lead to what she hoped for. Not that she couldn't understand. After all, Fiona already had a girlfriend. She was with Katie because she was in love with her, not Holly J, or at least so Holly J thought,

"…and god knows I used to be hopelessly in love with you…"

Used to be. Then again, of course she'd have moved on. She rejected Fiona a long time ago, because she was straight and therefore could never be interested. It would be awful and difficult for Fiona if she were still not over her.

"…but I love Katie. I'm sorry." She looked to Holly J, trying to gauge her response.

"No, it's okay." She tried not to let it show that she felt about to cry again. "I mean, of course you'd be way over me by now. And I'm glad that you're happy with Katie. I want you to be happy…" As she spoke, a tear fell down her cheek, followed by another. She was glad Fiona was happy, so why did her heart hurt so much?

"Holly J…"

She quickly wiped at her face. "I'm sorry. It's not fair of me to get upset when it's my fault you had to say that in the first place."

"No." Holly J had nothing to apologize for. Fiona should be the one apologizing, making it sound like she was over her when she wasn't at all. And hadn't she placed Holly J in such a similar position last year? But she didn't know how to say any of that, and so she simply said, "Don't apologize."

She still wanted to apologize, so she didn't know what else to say. What else was there _to_ say, anyway? So instead she remained silent for a little while.

"Let's pretend this never happened, okay?" Just like they did last year, with their roles reversed. "We'll have our sleepover just like always." She knew that had felt painful for her last year, at least initially, but certainly not as painful as it would have been to lose Holly J as a friend.

"Okay. Thank you, for not being too freaked out."

"It's okay. So… can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"How long have you known you were bi or whatever?"

She had to seriously consider the question. "Umm… it was around midterms, I guess. I don't really know how it happened – I was just thinking about the guy I'd broken up with and how I wasn't really that interested in any of the guys at Yale. Not even Declan. And when I tried to picture the kind of person I'd be interested in – well, guy, I'd thought – the only one I could imagine was you." She laughed uncomfortably. "Kind of weird, huh?"

"No, that makes sense." She shook her head. She wished hers had been so… well, maybe not completely simple, but relatively speaking. Well, most of all she wished she hadn't hurt Adam. Now that she thought about it, it seemed like her relationships always ended with her hurting someone. Well, her penpal boyfriend didn't really count, and with Riley they pretty much hurt each other equally, and Bobby was the one to hurt her – in a very different, intentional way. But with all of her serious relationships, she hurt them. She hurt Adam by getting drunk and unintentionally seeing him as, basically, a girl. She hurt Charlie by breaking up with her, by kicking her out, and by nearly losing her cat. She hurt Imogen by breaking up with her because of Holly J, and even if Imogen still thankfully didn't know that was the real reason, she felt hurt by the sudden breakup. She wasn't even together with Holly J and had managed to hurt her. And Katie would certainly be hurt if she knew about Fiona's lingering feelings for Holly J. Why did she keep hurting people?

"What'cha thinking?" Holly J asked, noticing that Fiona seemed to be lost in thought now.

"Just… about things." She fiddled with the hem of her shirt, quiet for a while. After a hesitation, she decided to speak; after all, had this not happened, she would have told Holly J. She always told Holly J everything, save for her feelings for her. "It just seems like I hurt everyone."

"Everyone hurts and get hurt sometimes."

"But I mean..." She went through the list she had just been thinking about. "All the people I've really cared about."

"Well, it's not like I've never hurt you. Like last year, or… yeah. And when you first met Katie?"

"Yeah, I guess." Somehow it only made her feel mildly better, though.

"Alright, enough of this – let's bake some cookies or something. Okay?"

"Yeah." She stopped herself from saying, _I love you, Holly J_. It would be selfish of her to say that now, especially knowing that Holly J had feelings for her and having just rejected those same feelings. She couldn't be with her.


	10. Chapter 10

Spring break was almost over, and Holly J had to return to Yale. Fiona was seeing her off at the airport.

"I'll miss you so much," Fiona said.

"Me too. But hey, there's always summer. I'll see you then for sure, right?"

"Of course! You'd better see me, before I go off to college!"

She smiled. "You can count on it." She just wanted to put her hands through Fiona's hair, rest a hand on her… basically just show her that she was there, and her sincerity.

"I'll hold you to that." She hugged Holly J tightly. There was nothing specifically "more than friends" about the hug, except that it lingered a bit longer than it usually would. Then again, they also wouldn't see each other for a while again. When she pulled away, Fiona looked into Holly J's eyes and looked about to speak, then stopped.

"What is it?"

"It's nothing," she lied, shaking her head. "Have a good rest of the semester, and a safe trip."

"I will. You, too." Well, with regards to the semester, since Fiona wasn't travelling, but she figured Fiona would get the point.

The speakers announced that they wanted Holly J's flight to start boarding now.

"I should go now," she said. "I'll call you when I get there, okay?"

"Yeah. I'll talk to you then."

Knowing that they could stand there almost saying goodbye forever, Holly J left. Fiona watched her for a short time, then just as Holly J was nearly out of earshot, she couldn't help but to think, _it's now or never_. She hadn't even remotely planned on this, but she yelled, "_Holly J!_"

Holly J turned in confusion, clearly hearing Fiona yelling her name. She saw Fiona running to her, looking very emotional, and yet serious.

She put her arms loosely around Holly J's shoulders, far enough that she could still see her. "Holly J, I love you. I've always loved you, and thinking I could move on was a joke. I've never been able to love anyone as much as you, and… I don't want to." It was probably selfish, not even a whole week after telling her they couldn't be together. And yet, she couldn't help it. She couldn't let Holly J leave without knowing how she felt. She tightened her arms to hold Holly J close as she kissed her, and she felt Holly J's arms move to her lower back, as they kissed like they had been longing to. When they pulled away, Fiona looked into Holly J's eyes. "I'm sorry. I know you're about to leave, and this is a horrible time—"

"Shh," Holly J said, moving one of her hands to Fiona's hair. "I love you too, Fiona. And I don't know where this will lead, or what the future holds for us, but all I know is that I want to be with you."

"I want to be with you, too."

"Well, then… Fiona Coyne, will you be my girlfriend?"

"I'd love to." She smiled and kissed her again, but this time it was interrupted by a more insistent call for the flight to be boarded. "I should let you go… as much as I don't want you to leave, I don't want to make you miss your flight."

Holly J hugged her close one more time and said into her hair, "I'll be back before you know it."

"Yeah." She knew that wasn't true. That she would miss Holly J all the time, just as she had been all year, and probably even more now. But that was okay; it was worth it, to be able to be with her. They stayed like that, holding each other close, until the last call for boarding was announced. "Okay, you need to go. I love you."

"I love you too." She ran to board the plane, stopping to look over her shoulder once and seeing Fiona watching her. She waved and Fiona waved back, both of them with sad smiles.

As soon as she got home, the weight of everything hit her and she started to cry. Just when they'd started a relationship and she wanted to be around her more than ever, they would be apart for _months_. Okay, only like two, but that seemed like an eternity. She hugged the couch cushion, wishing they could be together physically too.

And what about Katie? Not that her having feelings for Holly J while the two of them were together was great, but she had absolutely, beyond a shadow of a doubt crossed the line into cheating. She had gotten so caught up in her feelings for Holly J that she had honestly not thought about Katie at all, and she suspected that Holly J wasn't exactly thinking about her either. But at least Holly J knew. It probably went without saying that Fiona would break up with Katie, or at least she hoped it did. She felt terrible for having to break up with her under circumstances like that, and she didn't want to do it too soon after Holly J left, because she didn't want Katie to think that the two events were related. Just like with Imogen, except probably even more in this case, telling her would just hurt her. She didn't need to know the whole reason, Fiona decided, just that… what would she tell her? That she just suddenly stopped having feelings for her? Less than a week ago she was telling her she loved her, and now, without any explanation, she was so out of love with her that she didn't even want to try working things out in their relationship, just to break up? She didn't want to try to work things out, because it would be impossible and do nothing but drag out the breakup. She needed to do this and do it soon, but she needed some sort of way that Katie wouldn't jump to conclusions. Okay, jump to the right conclusions, but still.

She decided to call Eli. It wasn't exactly like she could call Holly J, or like Imogen was speaking to her, or certainly not Katie, and she didn't really want to tell her mom how much she'd messed up either. "Eli?"

"Hey, Fiona. What's up?"

"I did something really stupid," she admitted.

"What happened?"

"…I kissed Holly J."

"And now she's freaked out again?"

She shook her head, then quickly realized that of course he couldn't see her and said, "No. Actually… well, she kissed me first, and we're in a relationship now, but…"

"Isn't that what you've—oh. Katie?"

"Yeah. Telling her the truth would only hurt her. I can't let her know that I cheated on her! But if I break up with her out of the blue right after Holly J leaves, what kind of conclusion is she supposed to come to?"

"Maybe you could make a big deal over something and make it into a big fight and tell her you want to break up over that?"

Her first thought was that that was a really bad idea. And, okay, it probably was, but it was the best idea she had so far, even if simply by virtue of also being the _only_ idea she had. "She'll probably hate me, or think I'm crazy… if not both… but I just might do that." It would still hurt her somewhat, but most of that came just because it was a breakup. At least it would be better than telling her the truth.


	11. Chapter 11

Spring breaks ended and classes resumed. Fiona went in search of Katie, having arrived earlier than usual to tell the girl they needed to talk. She waited in their usual meeting spot, fiddling nervously with some of her hair. She saw Katie arriving and waved as usual. Something seemed off about her girlfriend, though. She would feel horrible, breaking up with her at a time like that. She started debating in her mind whether to tell her they needed to talk or to ask what was wrong.

Katie stood next to her and just looked at her. Her expression was more or less unreadable, except for the anger which burned in her eyes.

Fiona couldn't let herself comfort Katie if something was wrong, only to break up with her. That seemed even crueler than ignoring her emotional state entirely. Besides, unlike with Imogen, Fiona knew Katie had other friends.

"We need to talk," she started carefully.

Katie felt her anger rising. She wanted to see what kind of excuse Fiona would come up with, let her speak uncomfortably, as she lied to her face. Or perhaps she would confess. Katie had wanted to see which she would do, but her anger was already boiling over. "When were you planning on telling me!?"

Fiona was clearly caught of guard. "Telling you what?"

"Don't even pretend you don't know. It's been a week, Fiona! A week since you talked to me, and the whole time you're making out with Holly J!?"

"Katie, no, I—" She didn't even know how she would finish the sentence. Sure, she and Holly J had hardly spent the last week making out, to say the least, but that wasn't the point. Saying they had only really, seriously kissed once wouldn't exactly make the situation better. Katie interrupted before she got the chance to come up with anything, though.

"Don't lie to me." She emphasized every word of her sentence, nearly seething. First Drew and Bianca, now Fiona and Holly J. Last time the majority of her anger had honestly turned on herself. This time it seemed to be focused on Fiona, as it really should have been. "Marisol saw you at the airport. So tell me how that was anything but cheating."

Fiona bit her lip. She couldn't really say anything to that.

She wanted to ask why. Why she wasn't good enough for anyone, just a placeholder; why— She stopped herself there. Thinking like that was fading her anger towards Fiona into self-hatred again, which she was literally _just_ reminding herself was wrong. "That's what I thought," she said in response to Fiona's silence.

The hall was filling now. For both their sakes, Fiona wished they could relocate. Emotional conversations were not ideal for a gossiping hallway. She had been so focused on the conversation she needed to have with Katie that she had forgotten to give any thought to the location of it.

She felt even more frustrated by Fiona's continued lack of response. Was she just going to stand there silently?

After a little bit of thought, she took a breath and looked Katie in the eyes. "Katie, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to happen." That was the truth. Had she known Holly J was interested in her, she would have already broken up with Katie. Had she not been about to miss her only chance until the end of the semester, she never would have kissed Holly J while still with Katie.

"You didn't mean for it to happen," she repeated, tone forcibly even.

Fiona was about to say that, yes, that was the case, but Katie didn't give her the chance.

"So you disregarded my feelings entirely. They weren't enough to hesitate. You know what you are, Fiona? You're a bitch!"

She felt like she had been slapped. It reminded her so much of Charlie's words last year. It was a deserved slap, yet at the same time it still stung. She couldn't even say anything in response. Katie was right, after all. Here she was, hurting yet another person she cared about. But she didn't think she had ever hurt anyone else this badly. Maybe Adam, but… Well, she'd left Imogen virtually alone when she broke up with her. When she tried to help Holly J and Declan, she'd just made it worse, and she had probably hurt Eli and Imogen trying to set them up too. "I know," she answered.

Now it was Katie's turn to be caught off guard. Not too many people would agree with someone insulting them.

Fiona knew there was nothing she could say to make this better. She should let Katie be mad at her; she knew she was in the wrong, after all. So all she could say was,

"Goodbye, Katie. Someday you'll find the prince – or princess – you deserve."

With that, she turned and walked away to class, leaving Katie speechless.


	12. Chapter 12

"So how'd it go with Katie?" Holly J asked.

"It was… awkward."

"She wanted to know why?"

She shook her head, catching the movement of her hair in the tiny box onscreen. "Worse. She already knew."

"How?" she replied, surprised.

"Apparently Marisol was somehow at the airport and saw us kiss." Honestly, what were the odds that she would be right in that area of the airport at exactly that time? Then again, they were students of Degrassi.

"Oh. …So, even more so: how did it go?"

She wasn't sure she wanted to recount the events. Certainly not in their entirety. "Well, she was… angry. I deserved that, though. But there was nothing I could say to make it better, so after a while I just wished her well and left. Later, Marisol came up to me, just as mad. Asking me how I could do that to her best friend… I know she's right. Anyway, knowing she has a friend like that, I'm not worried about her. She'll be okay."

Holly J nodded. She knew Fiona felt bad about her breakup with Imogen due to those last two statements being uncertain.

"I feel bad to have hurt so many people. But I'm with you now, so those times are over." She wanted to think positively. To look ahead. Now that she was with Holly J, there was no reason for her to look back. The past was gone and the future… well, okay, it was a little intimidating, but overall she thought it would be bright. "On a more positive note, I finished my design for prom."

"Can I see?"

"Of course!" She was more than happy to let Holly J see. After all, she'd worked so hard on it, even before she had done any sewing at all. She was proud of her design, even if she knew she had never before made something as elaborate as this.

"What do you think?" Fiona asked, holding her dress design up for Holly J to see.

"Wow! Fi, it looks great," she answered.

She put it back on her desk. "Thanks. I'm happy to hear you say that."

"Nervous for design school?" She adjusted the screen of her computer.

"No, not really. It's just, I worked so hard on it, and you're the first person I've shown."

"Well, I'm honored to be the first."

She smiled, feeling her heart melt a little and the sweetness of Holly J's words.

"So… you said prom was May 24, right?"

"Yeah. Even though it's elaborate, I'll definitely have enough time to make it by then. That's why I wanted to get the designing done now, so I would have time to look for the right fabrics and things."

"Right. I was just thinking, my semester ends the week before that."

"Yeah?" she said, excitedly. She thought she knew where this was going, or at least she certainly hoped she did.

"Yeah. So, what do you say we have the prom we never got last year?"

"That would be amazing."

"Then it's a date."

She smiled as they went on to general conversation about random things. Prom with Holly J… it would be the exact opposite of last year. She couldn't wait.


	13. Chapter 13

It was prom night and Fiona was getting ready with Holly J. She heard the door open suddenly and briefly panicked, considering the break in from earlier that year. "What was that sound?"

"Fifi?" She heard her mom calling her.

"Mom?" she asked, surprised.

Laura came into the room.

"Hey, Mrs. Coyne," Holly J greeted.

"Hello, Holly J, Fiona. I missed you so much!" She hugged them both.

Laura explained how their legal troubles had ended and their assets unfrozen.

"…But I haven't gotten to the best part yet. On the plane ride home from New York, I sat next to Frederico Cadavierre."

"Who?" asked Holly J, noticing Fiona's excited reaction.

"The head designer at Remosey!" Fiona answered. "His spring collection made me weep."

Laura continued with her story: "I showed him the sketches of the dresses you designed for prom, and it turns out he's looking for a junior designer. In Rome."

"What!" She couldn't contain her excitement and began daydreaming aloud about all the things she could do in Rome.

"And the shopping! Don't forget the shopping!"

"Yes!" she exclaimed. She then noticed the clock. "Ah, it's time for us to head to prom. Can we talk about this tomorrow?"

"No, Frederico is only in town tonight. You need to call him."

Fiona hesitated, looking at the clock.

As if knowing what Fiona was thinking, Holly J said, "Come on, Fi; we can go to prom after you meet with him." She knew this was her dream job, so as much as prom mattered a lot to the both of them, there was no way she could let her miss this chance.

"Right. Okay, I'll call him right now…" She entered the number on the card. The phone rang and continued to ring, until eventually it rolled over to voicemail.

"You've reached the voicemail of—"

She pressed the 1 to skip to actually being able to leave a message. "Hi, Frederico? This is Fiona Coyne. I would love to meet with you, so please call me back at…" She gave her phone number. "Thank you!"

With that, she hung up. "Well, I guess we'll go to prom and have fun there until he calls back. I should be able to just duck out for a minute anyway."

"Okay. Let's get ready, then!" Holly J was excited. Going to prom with Fiona… whoever would have thought it would happen? Remembering back to last year, she couldn't help but to think that Anya would be pretty pleased. She had seemed to want them to be together so much. At that time, she never would have thought she and Fiona _could_ end up together, let alone would. Funny how things change.

They got ready as quickly as they could while still managing the perfect hair and makeup they both desired. They managed to arrive right on time.

Holly J looked around. "Wow, it looks fantastic!"

"Thank you," she said. She had certainly spent enough time planning it. Still, having Holly J compliment it meant a lot to her.

They enjoyed themselves, all but forgetting the call, anticipation aside. Before they knew it, the time had come to announce prom royalty.

"I'll be right back," Fiona said, giving her a quick kiss.

"Don't forget your purse!" Holly J remembered suddenly, handing it to her. "Just in case."

"Right." She picked it up, but then she decided she really didn't want to have to carry it onstage with her. Instead, she pulled out her phone and tried to find a way to put it inconspicuously in her cleavage, for lack of a better location. Just as she was doing so, she felt it begin to vibrate. She nearly dropped it in her excitement. She looked briefly to Holly J, making quick eye contact before taking her purse and hurrying out into the hall.

Holly J understood what was meant by that, even without needing words spoken. She went onstage to make the announcement in Fiona's place.

Meanwhile, Fiona answered her phone. "Hello?"

"Hello, this is Frederico. May I speak to Miss Fiona Coyne?"

"This is she," Fiona answered, trying to sound as mature and professional as she knew how.

"I was wondering if you would be available to meet me at the Downtown Bistro."

"Yes, I'm available." She had to contain her excitement.

"Good. How soon can you be there?"

She thought quickly. "Around fifteen minutes?"

"Very well. I will be there waiting."

"Okay. Thank you – bye."

"Goodbye."

She rushed off, knowing that Holly J had understood what was going on and would know she would return shortly. Just as soon as she talked to Frederico. While both that and her senior prom were once in a lifetime events… well, the one that could set her whole career into motion had to take precedence over prom. As special as it was, Holly J would wait. She'd be there tomorrow – unlike Frederico.


End file.
